Chronic Illness Imposter Syndrome: When You Start Questioning Your Own Illness

Some days I wonder if I'm really as sick as I think I am. 

What I've come to realize is that imposter syndrome isn't limited to careers or accomplishments. It can happen with chronic illness, too. Before chronic illness, my body was something I relied on. Now it's something I constantly negotiate with. I question the severity of my symptoms and my ability to handle pain. 

Logically, I know why this happens. Chronic illness isn't consistent. Symptoms fluctuate. What I can manage today may be impossible tomorrow. Weather, sleep, stress, hormones, and countless other factors can completely change how my body feels.

I understand that the chronically ill person I see doing so much more than I is likely having a very good day. Their symptoms fluctuate just like mine.

Still, my mind will question if I’m just being lazy or if I’ve simply become too comfortable being disabled. I feel ashamed. I feel anxious asking for help. I feel like I need to justify why I need the help each time I ask for it. 

The frustrating part is that I know better. I know my body. I know what it can handle, and I know what happens when I ignore its warnings. I've lived through those consequences enough times to recognize them.

Even knowing all of that, I still compare myself to others who are healthy, to others with the same diagnoses as I, and to my former healthier self. Sometimes I don't even compare myself to other people. I compare myself to who I was this morning. Or yesterday. Or last week. When my body suddenly changes course, it's easy to wonder if today's limitations are real simply because yesterday looked different.

When living with chronic illness, it’s important to be in tune with your body. Give yourself grace as symptoms fluctuate and your abilities along with them. Stop measuring yourself against anyone else, including you from yesterday. Accept that taking time to rest is not failure or laziness, but actually a strength that shouldn’t be ignored. It’s what will allow you to experience your good days or even just good moments. 

Chronic illness doesn't just attack your body. Given enough time, it starts to attack your mind as well and has you questioning your abilities. The irony is that people pretending to be sick rarely spend their days wondering if they're pretending. It's the people desperately wishing they could do more who question themselves the most. Chronic illness imposter syndrome is real and it fuels our self-doubt.

Thank you to the patient who shared this perspective. The Living Radiantly Patient Perspectives series exists to give voice to the real experiences of people living with rheumatic, autoimmune, and chronic illnesses. If you have a story, insight, challenge, or triumph you'd like to share, we welcome your contribution. Together, we can help others feel seen, understood, and less alone throughout Clermont, Florida, and the surrounding communities.